dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
