She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
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Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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