I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize
