his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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