We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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