I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
