glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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