toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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