I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
