I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
