i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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