i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
