Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
