Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
