it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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