69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
