im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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