Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Randomize
