I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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