blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
