And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
