i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Randomize
