You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
