In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
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