Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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