just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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