CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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