Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
