What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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