Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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