i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
