You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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