Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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