then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
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I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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