Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
