i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
