I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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