omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
