I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
