if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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