I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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