Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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