You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
