Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
