I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I looked at my own cervix.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
