i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
