escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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