I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
