Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
