Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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