Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
