I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
