turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
