I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
