Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
