So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
