I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
and you fell through a lawn chair
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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