Who did Billy Mays play for?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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