I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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