brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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