her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
