the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize