she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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