Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
