I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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