Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
