Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
