She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
