I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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