my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
