it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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