I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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