Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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