i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
