addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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