remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
