Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
