All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
