remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
